What's the best day you've ever had on your bike? Wherever it was and whatever made it however good you thought it was, I guarantee it wasn't as good as this. If you disagree, you're either wrong or I haven't put enough enthusiasm into writing it up.
I can only assume that the quarry wagon I passed on the A57 was actually carrying fairy dust, not limestone, which opened up a wormhole in the space-time continuum and dropped me into a parallel Universe. It's the only rational explanation, although how we all got through the same wormhole is still a bit of a puzzle. It must have been a big one.
Firstly, aside from the wagon being the only traffic on the A57 (Sheffield to Fairholmes in, um, not very long!) we had the best ride in the Peaks lined up (Kinder Surprise) from our 8:15 ride start - well before most people had thought about getting out of bed, never mind town. The light mist didn't drop the temperature much and promised to burn off quite quickly, so shorts and short sleeves were the order of the day. A change of parking area meant a modified route - basically just a slightly easier first climb, which is always welcome.
Secondly, for the first time in ages, this first trail was actually dry and grippy, making things just that nice bit easier. The run over the hill back to the A57 was uneventful, except for the boggy bits of trail that were, er, bone dry and not at all boggy. A little bit odd, but never mind. A couple of miles spinning up the tarmac brought us to the Snake Path, which we gratefully dived onto.
Snake Path is always fantastic and today is no exception. Bone dry, firm, always interesting and huge fun, it's a sure-fire winner, especially when the sun is breaking through and the temperature is rising. We passed "Paul's Fall" - where a year ago the aforementioned rider had broken his wrist - without a problem, laying that particular ghost to rest on what was only Paul's second attempt at this route, ever. A photo stop at a location which had previously induced amusing, wet crashes did so again, to the general entertainment of almost all concerned.
Continuing up Snake Path, enjoying every minute of it, the mist was now gone and we had the place to ourselves, as far as people were concerned.
Being a perfectly clear day now, our arrival at the plateau was rewarded by a view that went on so far we just couldn't count it all. A brief pause to gulp some more water in the increasing warmth, and off we set again around the edges of Kinder. The fact we'd had so much fun before getting to the main fun section was hard to comprehend, but we managed it somehow. Tough life!
Thirdly, we must have met 20 to 30 walkers before coming off Kinder. Not a single one grumbled about "bloody mountain bikers" or "you shouldn't be up here it's a footpath excuse me while my dog shits all over the place in the middle of chasing sheep I'm going to call the police blah blah blah". In fact, all but a few (who just smiled) greeted us most pleasantly, asked us if it was as much fun as it looked, told us that maybe they'd get a bike, lovely day isn't it?, etc.
Fourth: After fantastic run down Jacob's Ladder - what an amazingly path this truly is - something previously totally unheard of happened. The descent from the bottom of the 'Ladder has four gates. Get this: Three of them were held open for us by walkers. Not only that, one of them was opened especially for us by a couple who'd just climbed over the stile beside it - they didn't even go through the gate themselves. Unreal.
Back on the tarmac for the brief run to the Do Not cafe in Edale, and even the roadies acknowledged us. That's five impossible things almost before breakfast! (Well, lunch then). What on earth is going on?
Who cares? However, when you've done five impossible things already today, why not eat out in style at the Restaurant at the end of the Universe? (Apologies to Douglas Adams for that one). Well, because the end of the Universe is a long way away, that's why not. But we have the next best thing, which is the Cafe at the end (or rather, the start) of the Edale Road.
Here we go for incredible point number six, then, and this one really shows just how damn good the ride was: We added an extra hill and 8 more miles to the ride INSTEAD of going to the Do Not Cafe (Edale Station) for a bacon butty!!!! Admittedly the addition took us past (read: via) our favourite cafe instead, but never mind...
Arriving at the Woodbine Cafe at 12:30, 4 hours 15' into the ride, the place is empty. Like, completely. Lunchtime on a hot sunny May Saturday, we get our choice of tables in the garden and there is no queue to order food. It's like someone pre-booked the entire cafe just for our arrival. Just after we've ordered and got sat down in the sun, whoever arranged all this opened the gates and let the rest of the previously-hidden public in. The enforced delay doesn't seem to have bothered them at all, they're all still smiling and delighted to see us.
Surely, a day this good cannot last? We must wake up and get back to reality soon, I feel sure.
Back over the two hills between the Woodbine and Fairholmes, all the trails were dry and firm. Trails that haven't been anything but waterlogged for the last five years (and haven't been again since this ride!) were solid. The squelch of mud of the recent months was replaced by the crunch of dry grit under wheel; tyres threw up clouds of dust not lumps of wet gloopy shite. Cleaning would involve a quick wave of a dry brush. Brake blocks didn't dissolve into a grey mushy goo. Tough technical climbs were cleaned.
A truly incredible six and a bit hours after starting the ride, we're back at the cars. A quick trip back to Sheffield should be the end of it, and for most attendees that day it more or less was.
For me personally though, Saturday hadn't quite finished. I got home and while I was stowing the bike, my gorgeous wife cracked open a couple of bottles of remarkably cold Budvar (Czech beer - Czech it out at www.original-budweiser.cz) which we shared. Hungry yet? Dinner then followed in the guise of sirloin steak with home cooked chips and a rather agreeable bottle of red wine.
Maybe this was a once in a lifetime experience, when everything came together for just a few hours.
I hope not.